The most precious thing that i've always proud of sometimes can be the one that hurt me so much and i was thinking if this "PROUD" humiliating me by not marrying me someday. I'm not facing me myself ,i'm also facing my family too. I dont know what to say whether they really happy for what i had or they just pretend like they did. Annoying things and annoying people always mix up araound you. You just know that its annoying by looking at it, but as usual everybody pretend like a close family member and support each other. but deep down inside they just want to see you less and less.i dont know, i'm struggling right now,reaching for something that i do not know if i could reach.i'm tired of giving up and being humble everytime i'm facing those people with stink heart.God i just want to be more than me and less than them,dont have to be perfect as long as i can live my simple life and created a happy family with my future husband. But it will never be happen if i couldn't achieve what i should achieved to qualified me to be a married women.i had nothing..really nothing.
i asking my self did i really deserved to be happy i even had no good boyfriend. sometimes i think he could take me where i want to be. but sometimes i just felt like he just want to be more than me,same like other relative that i know.i mean,i'm his girfriend,not kind of friends or something. why he always want to be more than me and my family.in fact i always told him i've got nothing except my wreck family. still he want to be more. He did love me, he did wants me but did he really want to marry me?that is the big Q that he never answer. i dont know what he thinks about me. yes i had another boyfriend thats because he always dont have time to spend even a liltle time to hear about my sorrow, my sadness,my dissapoinment and etc. I remember when he said he hate to heard about other people's problem because he try to settle up his own things on his own and he want me to do so. Its really hurt when i expecting someone who might be the right person to comfort me make a statement like that.In That way.hurt but still i have to wait because i dont want to regret anything in the future.i will wait til he let my hand off and said "we're done".
